What followed could only be described as artistic chaos. His lines wobbled like a drunk snake, looping into shapes that resembled a toddler’s first attempt at finger painting. It was less “flow” and more “flat tire on a dirt road.”
“Why isn’t this working?” he muttered, staring at his mess of squiggles, which looked more like a racetrack for cockroaches than anything remotely spiritual.
But he persisted, reasoning that at least it kept him from drowning in cheap Bahamian rum during the lockdown.
One week into the course, Madura dropped a bombshell.
“Neurographica is… outdated,” she announced dramatically during a webinar. “The world is changing, and I am evolving with it. Now, I am a business coach! I awaken titans!”
“Titans?” Tonny choked on his coffee. “These titans probably build Babylonian towers out of credit card debt.”
Madura claimed her new method had helped people earn millions in just two months. Who these people were, she never clarified, but the confidence in her voice suggested the millions belonged to her.
The Neurographica course was abandoned, leaving Tonny with a stack of ruined paper and the sinking realization that, once again, he’d been swindled.
“Maybe this is her Neurographica,” he mused bitterly. “All the lines are crooked, but they somehow lead to one point—her bank account.”
As the pandemic spiraled out of control, Madura reinvented herself yet again. This time, she became a spiritual healer. Her new mantra?
“Breathe through your third chakra—it’s the cure for the virus!” she declared, her eyes gleaming with evangelical fervor during a livestream. “Vaccines? Why bother when you can align your energy centers?”
The “third chakra,” which she always mentioned with the same reverence one might reserve for a holy relic, was pitched as the ultimate trend. She insisted that proper breathing techniques could not only “open energy flows” but also “dismantle the molecular structure of the virus.”
“Viruses are just energetic noise!” she proclaimed. “Clear your chakras, and you’ll become invisible to disease!”
At the height of her fame, Madura launched an anti-vaccine campaign that drew thousands of followers. She recorded voice memos for her disciples:
“Don’t let fear control you! Your third chakra is your most powerful shield. Inhale, exhale, feel the flow!”
She filmed inspirational videos standing against sunsets, assuring viewers, “My chakra pulses so strongly, it protects my neighbors!”
But irony, as always, had the last laugh. When Madura inevitably caught COVID, no amount of breathing exercises could save her. Rumors about her condition spread quickly, but she maintained her serene facade:
“This is just a cleansing,” she insisted in a wheezy Instagram video. “My third chakra is expelling all negativity.”
Her final post became an unintentional masterpiece of absurdity. Gaunt, pale, and visibly struggling to breathe, she smiled at the camera and whispered:
“If I’m sick, it’s because the Universe is teaching me a greater lesson. Don’t worry—my chakra is winning.”
Weeks later, while scrolling through his inbox, Tonny stumbled upon an email with the subject line:
"Don’t Miss Out! 80% Off Madura Shanti’s Farewell Ceremony!”
The email featured a photo of Madura, her trademark smile beaming brighter than ever. Beneath it, a bold caption read:
"Exclusive opportunity to bid farewell to the guru and guide her to new heights of spiritual success!"
