Sincerely About Us. Искренне о нас - страница 14

Laughter, music, tea, walks, hugs, tenderness, and breakfasts. Your friends and your cool mom, who never entered your room without knocking, even though there was no lock on the door. Lunches we shared when I met you for a break from work downtown. Boundless joy, serenity, and the feeling of being at home. Photographs, butterflies in my tummy, the time we whiled away together, and the miracle of love between and all around us… I’m grateful to you for all of that and so much more.

I don’t remember ever feeling cold next to you, whether we were walking along the city streets or cuddling while waiting for a bus in freezing winter temperatures, or lying in bed. I felt cozy and snug all the time.

Once, a few days into this magical journey, you suggested that I listen to a song by Depeche Mode. I’m so happy you chose “Home”, which is performed (and written) by Martin Gore instead of Dave Gahan, whose voice is much rougher and lower. This allowed me to have the gentlest possible introduction to their music. The lyrics of this song perfectly reflected my thoughts and feelings about the time we were together:

And I thank you

For bringing me here

For showing me home

For singing these tears

Finally, I’ve found

That I belong here.

Feels like home,

I should have known

From my first breath.

Martin Gore’s voice here is so hauntingly beautiful that it effortlessly takes me back to moments with you whenever I hear this song. I truly felt at home in your arms, it was where I belonged. And to paraphrase another amazing song by Depeche Mode, something beautiful was happening inside for me, and even though eventually I lost myself in you, in us, that’s also how I found myself. Inside this heaven of ours, I was hypnotized and content, I felt whole and believed that everything was right with the world.

One more anthem of that time for me was, of course, “Enjoy the Silence” (performed by Depeche Mode and written by Martin Gore as well), with these particular lyrics standing out:

Feelings are intense

Words are trivial

… Pleasures remain

So does the pain

Words are meaningless

and forgettable

All I ever wanted

All I ever needed

is here, in my arms

Words are very unnecessary

They can only do harm.

My favorite part was definitely cuddling with you. I could never find the right words to express what exactly I was feeling in those moments, until I stumbled upon this quote, reflecting my feelings and sensations in the most wonderful and accurate way. Here’s its loose translation: “If two lovers sleep or simply lie down holding each other tightly, they become tattoos on – and even under – each other’s skin. Forever.” Indeed, even though we went out a lot, hung out with your friends, watched movies, and listened to music together, all this “doing” paled in significance compared to just how magical and otherworldly being physically next to you felt.

I remember often sitting at my desk or on my sofa, without thinking about anything in particular, just staring off into space, while actually being completely consumed by my intense feelings and emotions. During those few months, it felt like I was floating instead of walking on solid ground. Every night, I went to bed not really wanting to fall asleep, because I knew I would temporarily stop feeling this love, something I never ever wanted to happen (how ironic). However, as soon as I opened my eyes each morning, the very first thing I always became aware of was this enormous love inside me, mixed with joy, airiness, and fullness of life.