Sincerely About Us. Искренне о нас - страница 9

I don’t really remember the rest of my journey home but I remember clearly walking up the stairs to my apartment, realizing that it hadn’t been a dream and that we were really done. In that moment I had to pause on a step because this thought hit me right in the heart. The pain was tangible, as if some string had abruptly snapped in it. That’s how I learned what it feels like to be heartbroken… I’m glad it first happened the way it did, though. Even if the reason might not have been entirely what you told me, you were tactful and discerning enough to have mercy on me and choose the words you did, so that my self-esteem wouldn’t wobble and fall apart.

That final spring stretch of the year was pure torture. Noticing you in the halls and not being able to come up to you, hug you, and talk made me lose my sleep, appetite, and cheerfulness. At some point, seeing how bad I was, you lent me your watch, which was huge and too loose on my wrist but which I still loved, on the condition that when I gave it back, I would consider it was really over between us and move on. I wore it every day and felt better. Indeed, when you asked for it back after a while, I returned it with a heavy heart but I was more prepared to accept that we were no longer together.

By the end of the school year, I had resolved to have as much fun with my friends at the graduation party as possible. We all dressed up and had our hair done really beautifully for the prom, where we took lots of photos and danced the night away. However, the single best part of the evening, etched into my memory as one of the brightest and purest moments of joy in this lifetime, was when I suddenly felt your strong arms envelop me on the dance floor. It was so sweet and intense that my whole body still remembered the warmth of being in your arms and dancing together a good few years later. Truly, it is the best gift I have ever received from you.

The rest of the summer, with its university entrance exams, was incredibly stressful and busy. In other words, I had no time or emotional energy to think of anything other than starting this new chapter of my life. However, a few months later, I got my first ever mobile phone, which had the numbers of my parents and a few friends, but it was missing… yours. By hook or by crook, I managed to get hold of it and had to gather all my courage to text you. To my surprise, you were pleased to hear from me, and I was overjoyed! Word after word, walk after walk around the university campus, everything felt both familiar and fresh. Once again, I became completely helpless in my growing infatuation, and I simply couldn’t stop what I had started.

Back then, I was bitter and confused about our relationship not developing into something bigger and better, about it breaking off where others only get going. But when I came to think of it more, I found it perfect: we both got what we needed to move forward without any fears or anxiety, knowing the best of each other and leaving out the worst.

You have always been genuinely happy to see me and hugged me like the dearest of friends; and I’ve always mirrored it back. You often invited me to house parties (both yours and your friends’=)), took me to dance clubs and for long night rides in your car, and even shared a huge bucket of ice cream with me once when I was at my lowest. You were considerate and protective of me, and I appreciate it enormously. Over the years, I have often had basically the same dream with slight alterations in the setting: I come to a crowded event, where I know absolutely no one, and almost start panicking, but suddenly I see your brown eyes smiling at me in the middle of that human ocean, we hug each other, and everything becomes right with the world. Thank you for that and for everything we have shared in real life. It’s so easy and enjoyable to think of you; I always do it with a smile on my face – and in my soul. There was almost nothing complicated about the time I knew you and spent with you. It’s something I’m going to keep safe in my memory forever.