The Magic Ring of Brodgar - страница 48

“Why did you come so early? It's only 9:20.”

He was staring into space, lost in his thoughts, not hearing the question.

“Derek!”

"Yes, Megan?” he looked at her as if he had just woken up.

“You've never come this early before. Is everything okay?"

“I got off work at 5 today and couldn’t wait to see you,” he replied calmly.

“I'm really happy you’re here. I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” he said, getting up and putting his arms around her before kissing her gently.

“My mom called today. She and Ted are coming, we’ve arranged to spend a few days together in Edinburgh. I'm going there on Saturday.”

“And then?” he asked tensely.

“I’ll come back.”

Each evening he spent with her, he feared hearing about her return to London. Today, he especially didn't want to broach the subject. He tried to steer the conversation away from it, but now realized it was inevitable.

“Okay, I’ll be waiting for you. What are your plans for tomorrow, and what did you do today?” he tried to guide the conversation in a direction he deemed appropriate.

“Same as usual. Work, Glenn, reading. Honestly, I'm starting to get bored with this lifestyle. My life in England was always so eventful and dynamic. I miss that. I don't know what to do with myself here. How long will this continue?! More precisely, how much longer can I take it?” Megan was depressed. She didn’t want to rake over all this again, but it was imperative for her to set her limits; she couldn’t wait in uncertainty forever.

Derek closed his eyes and sighed heavily, “Megan, I completely understand what you're waiting for from me. And I too want us to spend more time together. Not only at night but also during the day. But I can't give you that right now. Not because I don't want to, but because I can't, due to…certain circumstances.

“Derek, you say you love me, but we don’t go out. We don’t go anywhere together because everything is closed at night. You never call me. You don’t have days off. We’ve been together for more than three months, but nothing has changed. There's no development in the relationship. It’s all very strange and I’m plagued by various doubts and anxiety. Please understand I can’t stay here forever. Sooner or later, I’ll have to go back to London. What will happen to us then?” Megan was filled with despair and hopelessness as she laid these grievances on Derek.

“I’m sorry I’m causing you such discomfort. I understand perfectly well how you feel. You’ve got every reason to be angry with me. I need to know, in spite of all this, do you love me?”

“Of course, I do, but what does that change?”

“You've never told me that before.”

“I’m afraid – afraid of uncertainty and that you might hurt me.”

“The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Megan. I love you. Give me a little time. Just one or two months, no more. I promise you everything will change. You’ll get answers to all your questions.”

His eyes were filled with so much sadness that Megan's heart clenched in pain.

“Fine,” she said with a note of resignation.

Derek hugged her tightly, feeling burdened himself by all the half-truths and deceit in which he has lived these past months. That night, he was the most passionate and tender lover in the world. Megan felt so good and peaceful because he was there. In such moments, she forgot all her fears concerning him. Beside her, was the most faithful and loving of all men. She believed in the sincerity of his feelings and knew that he truly loved her as deeply as she loved him. But she needed to wait another a little longer, as Derek had asked her to. They lay in bed, embracing. Megan looked at the clock – dawn was near, and it was time for him to leave again. Where? And why exactly at this time? These questions remained unanswered.