– It will always be like that, dear. You know we’ll always be together.
– Yes! Hello!
At first Svetlana didn’t hear anything when she picked up the phone.
– Mom, hello, this is me! Happy New Year!
– Hello Dear! Thank you! I wish you a Happy New Year too! Give grandma a kiss from us, ok!
– Of course I will! I am a little upset with her though.
– Nikita, what happen?
– I wanted to go home to celebrate the holiday, but she didn’t let me…
– Don’t worry son, we’ll have time to celebrate. Grandma is lonely there by herself? Don’t be upset with her, all right?
– Ok, I won’t!
– Good boy! Daddy and myself have prepared a present for you. You’ll see it when you come over!
– Yes, mom! I miss you.
– Ok, son, it is almost midnight. Don’t upset grandma.
Nikita changed the subject:
– Mom, how are you feeling?
– I am good dear. I am sending you many kisses and hugs. Once more, happy New Year son! I love you!
– I love you too mom! Get well!
Nikita hang up the phone, but Svetlana was still listening the beeps trying to visualize him at this important moment.
– Let’s sit down at the table! It is almost midnight!
Svetlana sighted when the cork loudly flied out of the champagne bottle, hit the ceiling and landed on the phone. Then, hearing the clock bit, she hangs up the phone, lifted the glass with champagne and drained it to the dregs, congratulating everyone with the holiday. The concert on TV began, so everyone watched and listened to it attentively. No one said a single word; people were thinking of their problems and digressed from thoughts in order to fill up the plates. Svetlana was watching Arthur, Ludmila and Vadim. They were concerned and tried to leave their worries behind at least for the evening, relax and have a good time. Problems can be solved later. Then it is time to expect new nuisances that are often unnecessary and pitiful, moreover, created by people themselves.
Svetlana remembered school problems which she had created for herself. She ruined relationships with everyone: colleagues, directorships, students… What was the reason for that? What influenced her actions? The answer to the question scared her. She was frightened to confess that personal pride and fake magnitude had found shelter in her soul and were giving her guidance. It seemed to be right and decent behavior. However, instead of understanding and respect which she hoped to receive, she was given quite the opposite! She was avoided, not paid attention to. Students were scared to go to her class, expecting rudeness and harshness They were petrified in front of her, intimidated to say a word. She was proud of that! Even thought she knew that the girls from her class address other teachers in order to get help in difficult life scenarios, or just to hear the advice, to talk. Svetlana created barriers. She suffered inside, but inhibited her feelings. Right after classes she was going home and did not let anyone into her life.
At that moment she was looking at Ludmila, who was sitting near her at the festive table, giving her gratitude inside. Ludmila opened her eyes and helped her see her fallacy, absolutely needless one, ultimately disturbing. Svetlana tried to change more then once; she even asked for advice how to correct herself. It seemed impossible, unrealistic and intimidating to overcome yourself. There is an abyss in front on her, and it is extremely frightening to step into the unknown. The fear is actually reaching the level of panic terror. Svetlana was trying to get rid of those thoughts. She suffered and didn’t know how to act. Once she had a panic attack when the son was watching a horror movie. She ran to the video recorder, almost broke it, and damaged a couple of tapes. Her husband and son had to make arrangements with neighbors to watch a movie at their place.
