The Power of Time - страница 35
Only Maxim’s love created some relief. However, the more she was falling in love with him, the more she realized that they could not be together. He will leave her life forever very soon. This thought created a strange impact on her: all the feelings that she had started to grow stronger. At those moments it seemed that she was constantly under control of different emotions and her behaviour was changing every ten minutes. That was really strange and she did not know what to think of that. What she saw and observed made her think, that may be she was not just concerned with something. May be she was mentally ill. That was a very scary idea. It was clear that all the disturbing events combined, and their strength reached the highest level. It could not continue like that any more. Some force, invisible and unknown, opposed to the situation. Could the car accident happen because of that and take the dream away? Svetlana realized at that moment how many things in life she was missing. Instead of setting herself free from the chains she created with her own hands, she could not find strength to be in control. Yes, she was wrong, but that does not mean she can leave her mistake without attention. Is that love that is giving her the answers? Is it love that is giving her direction? Svetlana answered that question rather univocally: «No»! However, it seemed that it was love that was giving her the power. Could it be that someone that you adore actually does not care for you much? In this case the feeling is leaving to nowhere, instead of coming back one hundred times stronger. That means… She did not want to make any conclusions. Yes, she felt something, but could it be what she was thinking of, if it brought only misery and pain? At that moment, analyzing the situation, Svetlana finished the phrase with difficulty: «Maxim… loves… me».
That was the first time when she could speak it out openly, not acting against conscience. Now it is necessary to get used to this thought in heart, enjoy it every moment that she has. She should not push the love away, being scared of the wrench of saying goodbye, heartache or publicity. When the person is in love, if he does not reveal the feelings to others, sooner or later it will become obvious anyhow. So what is the reason for all these fears?
Slowly and carefully Svetlana stepped on the clear white snow which fell out at night or at the early morning. Seeing its purity, she understood that from that time on her soul would also be clean and white. Everything which tortured her had left beyond retrieve. Every following step will leave unforgettable trait in her soul, like on the snow, and it won’t be possible to correct it. This thought made her stop, look back and count the steps. She saw twelve. «That is so strange, why there are twelve steps? Is that a sign»? – Svetlana thought and unconsciously made another step. Thirteen! She was petrified: twelve could mean another year! Thirteen – one more month after the car accident. God! It has been exactly one month! That means, that something will happen in exactly one year and one month…” Analyzing this, Svetlana almost reached the store, greeting people she knew along the way. They were stopping, trying to talk to her, but she kept on walking. Svetlana tried not to think of what could happen after a year. She had a good premonition, so she decided to get ready for the positive event, live a new life, enjoying love which warmed her up and gave her strength to change a world around. Svetlana let her thoughts go, making a decision to stay in the world of her fantasies in order to understand herself better. She should have the opportunity to help people around her. That means, she needs to live in two worlds at the same time. “Svetlana, you should not be surprised!” – She said to herself, opening the doors of the store. Then she ran into the man so unexpectedly, that he even dropped his bag. Instead of getting angry, she apologized: