DIRECTOR: Hold it, hold it. What were you getting at when you said “the deceased hasn’t died”?
WOMAN: Nothing. We’d better rehearse. (pulling out all the stops) Dear friend!
DIRECTOR: To hell with your dear friend! Who’s not dead?
WOMAN: I don’t know anything. (seeing MAN entering) Look, you’d better ask him.
DIRECTOR: (launches himself at MAN) Tell me: is it true that he’s not dead?
MAN: Who?
DIRECTOR: Who, who?.. The deceased!
MAN: (looks at WOMAN with hate in his eyes) You’ve already blabbed, haven’t you? I’ve always said that you shouldn’t be included, but they wanted a woman. Well, they’ve brought it on themselves.
WOMAN: (guilty) I thought he knew.
MAN: You’re forever speaking before you think. It’s about time you stopped being so… spontaneous.
DIRECTOR: Hold on… I’m not understanding anything. He really isn’t dead?
MAN: Well… On the one hand… Although, on the other… In short, it’s difficult to say…
DIRECTOR: Stop blowing smoke! Tell me in words of one syllable – is he dead or not?
MAN: Back off! He’s not dead.
DIRECTOR: How come?
MAN: This is how. He’s not dead, and that’s that. He’s more alive than any living soul. He’s speaking on TV right now.
DIRECTOR: But what about my show? It’s being called off? So I set up the scenario, mobilized people, equipment, materials, drew up a list of two hundred and forty journalists – and there’ll be nothing to write about?
MAN: It’ll all work out somehow.
DIRECTOR: (pierced by an even more terrible thought) But what about my fee?
MAN: I don’t know. Let’s rehearse.
DIRECTOR: Why, if the show’s being called off?
MAN: She told us to continue regardless.
DIRECTOR: (decisively) Before continuing, I’d like to know when you’re going to pay me.
MAN: As we agreed. After the funeral.
DIRECTOR: After whose funeral – his or mine? He’s ten years younger than me. Or maybe after yours?
MAN: I said immediately after.
DIRECTOR: There’s no such thing as immediately after. It’s either immediately or it’s after. I want it right now.
MAN: But we agreed on after.
DIRECTOR: We haven’t agreed on anything. You said “after,” and I countered with “before.” I demand to be paid immediately. Right now.
MAN: You don’t trust me?
DIRECTOR: Of course I don’t. Who does? Besides, he’s not even dead yet, and nobody really knows if he’ll die or not.
WOMAN: How can he not die, when the funeral’s scheduled already? He’ll die for sure. You don’t believe it?
DIRECTOR: I do. We’re all going to check out, some day. But I want my money now. In full. I can’t wait, because the day after tomorrow I’m flying to the Republic of the Congo to stage the presidential inauguration there. The folks in Africa, unlike you, have paid me in advance. They respect professionals.
MAN: And I’m telling you – slow your roll and cool your jets. He’s going to die.
DIRECTOR: I know. The question is when.
MAN: On the third evening after the full moon, when Jupiter enters Capricorn. Soon, that is.
DIRECTOR: What gibberish is that?
MAN: It’s what the astrologers are predicting.
DIRECTOR: Very good. Then I’ll start rehearsals when Sagittarius enters Virgo. And I’m using the words “Sagittarius” and “Virgo” metaphorically, out of respect for the lady here.
MAN: I’m begging you not to kick up a fuss.
DIRECTOR: Cash on the barrel.
MAN: The consultant will explain it all to you.
DIRECTOR: She said I should talk to you about the money.
