Womb Bloom - страница 6

“I love you!” So easy to say, so difficult to fulfill …

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“People never change!” My mentor Juan liked saying this often, especially when I would run back to my ex in hope that he had changed. “This happens very rarely with those who really work on themselves or after serious crises. But this time there was no way back. And no matter how hard I tried to fix things, he had the last word. It was his decision to split up.

It felt as if I had been given news about a death. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces and was covered with a crust of ice. It felt as if there and then, an apocalypse had taken place inside me, and there was nothing left between us except for huge eyes of emptiness.

I would look emptiness right in the eyes because I had no one else to share my feelings with, and ask her: “Who will be able to melt my heart now? How can I now trust a man and love with my heart and soul?”

I had nearly lost all hope. I felt that I had fallen into an ice age where instead of covering the Earth, the ice had covered the hearts of people.

I even went to the Caribbean, but no tropical country could warm my heart until the Universe gave me a gift – life in my belly.

The more you live with a man, the stronger your connection and attachment to each other. And if people decide to split up, each person feels as if they are tearing away a part of themselves, cutting through the flesh. It’s very painful and unfortunately I had to go through this. After we split up I couldn’t forget him for a long time. He would visit me in my dreams every night the first few months after our split. I hoped that we would at least remain friends because we were connected by many things, not just our relationship, but even this didn’t come to be. I ended up leaving everything connected with him; all our friends, joint projects and business… I left the past in the past.

***

In this kind of situation you might ask yourselves:

“What should I do, how can I take away the pain? How can I accept the split? How can I replenish my energy stocks?”

I went on a long journey to holy places, monasteries and places of power in search for the answer. Mexico played an instrumental part in my journey.

Prayers helped me most of all. I would read then every day and night and with each prayer I felt my heart filling with light and thawing like a frozen flower, like a scorched prairie that is covered with grass again, and the tears I cried were like rain that waters the new shoots of faith and love.

Yes, it wasn’t easy for me to leave everything just like that. To be left with an abyss. But it was this abyss that filled me with meaning.

When I came to Mexico, the healers gave me the following instruction: “All that you should feel towards this person is sincere gratitude for travelling together for part of the journey on the train of life. He left on his station and you on yours…”

They gave me exercises to clean my energy and body from my connection and attachment to him and to free myself from the ghosts of the past which couldn’t leave my mind in peace. These techniques helped me get rid of dependence, accept the situation and reassume the feeling of lightness. I will describe some of them below.

Freeing yourself from foreign intentions

We women are constructed in a way that makes our centres open to the external world to such an extent that it can penetrate us directly, take possession of our heart, soul and consciousness and even force out OUR own World…