Interesting, how does this feeling affect Maxim? Turns out very strange: he is so young, but he is the force which guides her… Facial expression of her face changed, this thought intimidated her. How about the age? Life experience? All that only comes with time. «Time and his strength took away the ability to have children… For what?!» – Sveta cried, closing face with palms. At that moment it seemed that tears were the remaining of weakness she was not free from yet. Svetlana cried till the thoughts which provoked tears disappeared. Getting the last energies, she calmed down and took herself together.
She remembered the moment of the car accident very calmly, not worrying about anything. She tried to remember every detail and to understand their importance. Suddenly she realized that all the years of her suffering – about ten years – narrowed to the couple of moments which led to the result which took her dream away. Right now she can’t return things to how they were, she needs help from outside. Who can help her in that, she does not know. Telling herself that she needs to wait again, Svetlana smiled and thought that at the situations like this only frantic love can help. She has that kind of love! She became petrified. Maxim! Maxim! Maxim! This is what I need to wait for! His actions! But what kind of actions? What can he do, when he just loves me – it does not matter that he loves me like a woman and I love him like a man! We can’t have any relationship anyway! And I need a baby! Svetlana didn’t hold tears again, so they were running down her face and she ignored them. Recalling the doctor’s words, she got even more confused: she is healthy, but her psychological trauma is the compelling challenge which restrains her. This wall – her own creation, made up in years, which is now becoming the grandest obstacle to her dream.
Rejecting those thoughts, Svetlana concentrated on Maxim: «He does not know anything. How can he help me if he only has a year and a half in school? After graduation, he would leave my life forever, and then I would leave. What would happen then»? Svetlana hold her tears, worries and fear of the unknown, and then suddenly realized that all her destiny depends on the «little boy». If he can help her, then she will be happy, if not – she won’t be. She felt unbearably miserably. Svetlana always tried to do everything herself – absolutely everything; if she had help, help was coming from mature influential people. Even those people had problems: they knew how to do something, but knowledge didn’t give strength; not everything worked – they did mistakes as well. Destiny was cruel to them, very cruel. No one is going to act at this time and she is too scared even to think of it. Svetlna imagined: Maxim – such innocent young man is holding her on his arms. Her, a mature and independent woman, who can achieve everything that she wants! What is the most important for her – it is this boy. But at the same time Svetlana was not in doubts, feeling the power of his love, and thought that she believed in him. «Yes! I need to believe in him and hope hundred times more then I love him»! – Svetlana said to herself. – In the modern world I have never met more honest, clean and flawless person, free from sins and wicked motives; ideal, with the white-colour soul and brightening sight which I noticed behind the flowers. I shall work on myself, shall be stronger and smarter to have the same light. Then he will see my shine, which would reveal all my sufferings and torturing. He will easily cope with them and will relieve me from the psychological trauma. There is no need to think how and why. There is a need to do, do things right now…»
