The Puzzle of Elijah - страница 18

“Why, God, You decided to give us an ill baby? Are you punishing us for something? Show me, what is it? I will do whatever it takes to fix it. I just want our baby to be healthy.”

But God was quiet. I didn’t hear Him answer…

At home, I continued to cry and implore God to heal our baby. I could do this since Oleg was at work and the children were at school. I was home alone. No one could see me cry. After a while, I began to sense a different perspective. I felt as if through our experience with the third pregnancy, God prepared us to better handle the issues in the fourth pregnancy. The doctors predicted that our third child could be born with serious health problems, but he was a healthy baby. Could it happen again? Here we were, facing a decision: the doctors were telling us there was a huge problem and suggesting an abortion; our religious values said we should not do an abortion. How do you decide such a critical question? I knew Oleg and I needed to think and agree, and it had to come from our heart and values.

…….

I knew our situation would be nearly unbearable and that we would need lots of advice, love, help, comfort and support, to be able to deal with this complicated pregnancy. I first turned to my Father. We share a special connection; I know he will always be there for me. His words and guidance come from the heart. When I was a child, I always heard him pray every night and I knew God heard him. My Father also often told us how God healed others through the hands of his Grandfather. I knew we had to pray.

“Dad, our baby’s heart issues are so serious. Can you please pray for us?” I asked my Father.

“Olga, the news is terrifying, but please, take care of yourself,” my Father said. “Don’t worry. God will take care of you and your baby. We will pray, and God will help. I love you, Daughter. Be strong.”

I know Dad worried and wanted to help me. Even though there was little he could do, he could continue loving us and praying for us.

I also called my Mother-in-law to tell her the news and ask her for prayers. She is such a wonderful lady. She tried to calm me down and asked me not to worry, reminding me that often the doctors are wrong. She promised to pray for us.

Next, I called our friends, relatives, co-workers and neighbors, and asked them to pray for us. The illness of our baby did not only add worry to Oleg and me. It affected our whole big family and the people who surrounded us. Everyone questioned why God let it happen. People didn’t know what to tell us or how to comfort us, yet they promised to pray for us.

…….

We sought support and comfort from the ministers of our church. We spoke to them about the serious problems of our baby, expecting prayers and the traditional anointing of the holy oil. Instead, we heard the opposite, “Check your lives. Maybe there is something for which God is punishing you. God doesn’t usually give ill children to Christians.”

Oleg and I were shocked. We expected support rather than more pain. We knew we didn’t sin. We thought God is merciful. Everything comes from God. Nothing is done without His will. It is only God who judges us. Returning home, we prayed asking God to heal our son and to give us strength and understanding to accept His will.

Every day I was in tears. Often, I called my best friend, Katya, with my questions. She knew I needed help.