DIRECTOR: Do you have any specific suggestions?
CONSULTANT: The suggestions should come from the man.
DIRECTOR: Say the day after tomorrow? In the evening?
CONSULTANT: When a woman says she’s ready, that shouldn’t be followed by a lot of foot-dragging. She may change her mind.
DIRECTOR: Then I’ll tell them to take five right now, and we’ll have half an hour.
CONSULTANT: Half an hour isn’t worth it. When it comes to things like this, I don’t like to rush.
DIRECTOR: Oh, all right – an hour. Although, truth be told, the clock’s ticking. The performance’ll be starting before we know it, and I’m up to my neck in things to do. But I can give you an hour.
CONSULTANT: I already said that’s not worth it. Besides, I have changed my mind.
DIRECTOR: (trying to embrace her) Are you kidding me with this?
CONSULTANT: Mind your manners and get your hands off me.
DIRECTOR: But you said you were ready…
CONSULTANT: I was just joking with you. Or, actually, testing you. I wanted to see how easy it would be to distract you from the project – a very important project, too.
DIRECTOR: I don’t appreciate jokes like that.
CONSULTANT: Then let’s talk seriously.
DIRECTOR: I have nothing to talk with you about, and no reason to either. I’m busy. I’m in rehearsal.
CONSULTANT: But you promised to give me an hour.
DIRECTOR: Not for talking.
CONSULTANT: You’re huffing and puffing like a disgruntled lion. How about a shot of brandy instead?
DIRECTOR: (cheers up) Do you have any?
CONSULTANT: I most certainly do. I confiscated this bottle, remember? You’ve been working on this awe-inspiring show for three days now. You’re tired… Some stress relief’s in order. And you’ve probably had no time to eat. (puts snacks, the bottle, and two glasses on the table and pours the brandy)
DIRECTOR: It really wouldn’t hurt to unwind for a while.
CONSULTANT: (raises her glass.) Well? To a successful outcome?
DIRECTOR: To success! (drinks and begins to eat hungrily)
CONSULTANT: Do you specialize only in large-scale public spectacles or do you stage performances in theaters too?
DIRECTOR: In theaters too. Rarely, though.
CONSULTANT: Anything modern?
DIRECTOR: No, just the classics.
CONSULTANT: Why? Are you very fond of the classics?
DIRECTOR: No, not very. But there are other reasons. For example, when you stage a classic, the critics won’t be able to come down on you for a poor choice of play. There’s no need to make a contract with the author or pay him anything. He won’t be giving advice and coming around picking nits. I can do what I want with a classic play – cut, add, rewrite – and nobody will ever complain.
CONSULTANT: And have you raped a lot of classics?
DIRECTOR: Not really. I’ve only read four plays in my life. Those are the ones I stage.
CONSULTANT: Aren’t you sick of staging the same plays over and over?
DIRECTOR: Not at all. We directors only need plays to display our creative individuality. The words aren’t important to us. We’re not staging a play or even a playwright, we’re expressing ourselves.
CONSULTANT: But don’t you get sick of yourself?
DIRECTOR: Never.
CONSULTANT: What about the audiences?
DIRECTOR: Audiences don’t interest me.
CONSULTANT: And you’ve never wanted to put on something new?
DIRECTOR: I’m what’s new.
CONSULTANT: Well, I just wanted to talk with you about the importance of the words and the author’s role in our show.
