DIRECTOR: Yes, but creative freedom…
CONSULTANT: We’re not infringing on that. And didn’t you lecture the actors today on the need for, and benefits of, discipline?
DIRECTOR: Yes, but that was for the actors…
CONSULTANT: And who are we, you and I? Didn’t your Shakespeare write that “all the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players”? And if that’s the case, then every one of us is working under a director that we’re compelled to obey. As Spinoza said, “Freedom lies in the recognition of necessity.” (patronizing) And the sooner you recognize that necessity, my dear man, the better for you, and for us.
DIRECTOR: This feels a bit like I’m being assaulted
CONSULTANT: Assault is easy to avoid.
DIRECTOR: Do you know how?
CONSULTANT: Every woman knows. You just have to give it up before your time runs out. So, do we have an agreement or not?
DIRECTOR: (reluctantly) We do.
CONSULTANT: That’s fine. Another glass?
DIRECTOR: Sure.
CONSULTANT: Now that we’ve understood each other, it’ll be easier to agree on the rest of it. I’ve noticed that, like many directors, you’re more interested in the form of the performance than in its meaning. You’re fixated on the how, but you’re not interested in the what and the why.
DIRECTOR: “The why” – what does that mean? So long as the show is beautiful and has tons of flair, the rest doesn’t matter. The main thing is the viewership and its reactions. In short, the ratings.
CONSULTANT: Ratings are important to us too – not the ratings for the broadcast, but the rating the client gives us. The success of the spectacle and therefore the size of the fee will be pegged to that indicator. And if the government’s ratings, God forbid, sink after tomorrow’s show....
DIRECTOR: That will bring the fee down too?
CONSULTANT: That will result in no payment at all.
DIRECTOR: I’m starting to regret getting mixed up in this bizarre deal of yours.
CONSULTANT What’s bizarre about it?
DIRECTOR: Not least the fact that I was tasked with preparing a public funeral on a huge scale and at the same time required to keep the preparations secret.
CONSULTANT: We couldn’t tell you everything before, for various reasons. But now it’s crunch time. There are some particulars you should know if you’re going to keep a tight grip on the spectacle.
DIRECTOR: Then tell me why there had to be so much secrecy.
CONSULTANT: We needed to buy time.
DIRECTOR: What for?
CONSULTANT: So that we would have time to prepare, and they wouldn’t.
DIRECTOR: Who are “they”?
CONSULTANT: “They” aren’t us.
DIRECTOR: No kidding. And who’s to stop those “not us” from preparing too?
CONSULTANT: That’s the whole point of the game.
DIRECTOR: I don’t get any of this. Who are we burying anyway?
CONSULTANT: Let’s just say a certain person who put us in an awkward spot. (whispers a name in DIRECTOR’s ear)
DIRECTOR: (surprised) He died? I thought he was still quite young.
CONSULTANT: (deliberately vague) Man proposes, God disposes.
DIRECTOR: There’s one thing I don’t understand. I know he was always needling you and your colleagues, threatening to leak information… Especially on the prime minister…
CONSULTANT: Him and others. So?
DIRECTOR: Then why have you ordered up this lavish funeral for him? Let his friends bury him.
CONSULTANT: Now they’re criticizing us too. But if we give their hero a grand send-off and praise him to the skies, they’ll have nothing to gripe at us for. That’s why the words have to be delivered at the ceremony exactly as they’re written. Politics is a theater where you mustn’t put a foot wrong. Otherwise, the role won’t be yours much longer.
